He Doesn't Need Me, But...

"God You don't need me. But somehow You want me."

Normally I listen to an audio book on my commute times for my day job. But the other day while on the way home I didn't. I thought to myself "Mentally I am just tired today. It would be ok to be less productive once in a awhile and just relax a little today." A big change from the intense focus of late. So I drove through traffic in silence for a bit.

Then after a bit I decided to turn on the radio and listen to some music. My radio is always tuned to one of the three Christian radio stations in the area so my speakers roared to life with faith music instantly.

I had turned my radio on just as the lyrics of the Tenth Avenue North song "I Give You Control" came to "God You don't need me. But somehow You want me." Honestly I was stunned by the "coincidence" (there's no such thing, more on that later someday...) of that specific part of the chorus playing at the moment I randomly tuned in.

Of course there's nothing random or poorly timed when The Lord has a plan. You see for months I have been struggling with answering my call. Sure I want to do it. I am passionate about doing it. And all that jazz. But I struggle getting motivated to actually do the hard work.

That's partially because I have a lazy streak. But more so I have recently uncovered I have an aversion to succeeding in life. But I am reminded that I am not succeeding, but rather The Lord is the one succeeding through me. And that's where this phrase hits me, deeply.

For whatever His reason he wants me to do this and that. Write and draw. He doesn't need me to do it. He wants me to. So here is me adding this tidbit to the fire. Hoping it will help stoke the flames of my motivation and help me blaze my trail.

The Practice Journey

Finally getting some drawing done! It's not great but every line I improve a tiny bit! Just gotta keep going and year from now it'll be soo much better!